she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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