The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
