wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
