I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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