So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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