I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
honey bunches of taint.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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