Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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