After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
