Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
