First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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