I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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