hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
