yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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