I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
