I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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