Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
