Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
