you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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