just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize