i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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