he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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