STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
