Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
