with your own penis?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
