Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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