We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
