i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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