I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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