To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You pole danced in your parka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
