I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does one acquire holy water?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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