I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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