just come out here and I will go home with you...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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