ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
