so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
