@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
