playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
