we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
