The maid of honor just puked.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
