someone get that fucking seahorse.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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