My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
