I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
