Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And then he peed in my hair
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