Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
