So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
