why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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