remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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