I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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