I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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