i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
