Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my poor anus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
