So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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