I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
