this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
