they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
