shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
