i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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