He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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