Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
