you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
