i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
