Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
