he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
